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If K becomes Ch in the Bahrain countryside dialect of Arabic, shouldn’t Cat Stevens become Chat Stevens in Bahrain?

“Se-noor Se-tevens” I think you’ll find.

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I had the nuns when they were the “nuns.” They were pretty rough and I hated them. Finally, they had had enough and suggested I would be happier in the public school (I think they really meant they would be happier with me in public school, if not with a lobotomy).

Well, whiner that I was, I was no happier in pub sch except for one fact. I did not have to do any studying. No genius, no scholar, but the Sisters of Saint Joseph had beaten enough into me that effortlessly I could attain the gentleman’s C (not too bright that if you are not to the manor born). I credit those lassies with the fact that I am not homeless today.

Catholic school in the US did not do anything that was not done in pub sch in disciplining students. They just kept at it a bit longer. Older public school alumni could tell you of the wooden spoon back in the day. My crowd was a bunch of postwar babyboomer toughs in a working class suburb. I couldn’t blame the order of nuns if they had issued pistols to the sisters.

I look back on it and have to say I gave as good as I got and I am surprised they put up with me as long as I did. I’m not religious now, but they are not the cause of my skepticism. I very rarely see my old classmates, but the ones who condemn them the most are the ones who were the biggest suckups when we were in the grades.

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Oh, I’m being followed by a death fatwa,
Death fatwa, death fatwa.
Dodging and a weaving from a death fatwa,
Death fatwa, death fatwa.

And if I ever lose my head,
Lose my tongue, am killed stone dead.
Oh, if Khomeini catches me,
Oh, that will end my blasphemy.

Oh, I’m being followed by a big muslim,
BIG muslim, BIG MUSLIM!
Running and a hiding from a big muslim,
BIG muslim, BIG MUSLIM!

Oh, if I fall and lose my breath,
He’ll stick a knife right in my chest.
They’ll shove me in a big, black hearse,
For writing the Satanic Verse.

Oh, I’m being followed by Zarqawi,
Abu Zarqawi.
Sprinting for my life from Zarqawi,
Zarqawi, Zarqawi.

Should he snatch me when I’m slow,
I’ll star in his snuff video.
They’ll run it on Al Jazeera,
Wahhabis will laugh ha Ha HA!

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