Indiana Jones. They shouldn’t have.

22 May, '08

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal SkullWARNING: MOVIE SPOILER AHEAD!

What’s worse than shattering a boyish myth? Nothing!

When a dearly held myth is destroyed, one is left completely exhausted and drained. Despondent. And left with that age-old question: WHY?

After watching the completely disappointing fourth instalment last night, I felt that I should have gone with my gut instinct and shunned it. What utter crap! I mean come on, I know they might need a transition to create a franchise (I hate that word in films) but this is a very bad way of doing it. And what’s with them going dreamy about Sean Connery? Couldn’t they afford his fee to integrate him in a dream sequence? Believe me that would not have been out of place in this crap.

I also realise that a good plot now seem to be a secondary consideration when hundreds of millions are spent on a production, and it showed. I think they must have thought that those special effects will suffice, but someone should disabuse them of that notion. They took a completely fantastic series of films and destroyed them in the minds of millions who idolised that swashbuckling hero, jumping from trains, dodging boulders, diving into forests, fighting with natives, going into snake-filled tombs, jumping from air planes, and doing the right thing by rescuing relics from the hands of evil, and turned him into a 60-year-old woosy who says something like “tell me it’s a rope” as he is afraid of a giant rat snake that his just-discovered son threw to him to grab hold on to rescue out of a dry-sand pit (as opposed to wet-sand), a snake that apart from it evidently plastic, has already been used to rescue the mother, an old Jones flame.

(excuse me for borrowing a fine expression from early teen girls here)

EEEEAAWWWWW!

I don’t think I’ll bother keeping the initial 3 instalments now, anyone wants to buy 3 oft-used collector edition Indiana Jones DVDs?

Filed in: General
Tagged with:

Comments (21)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. nibaq says:

    So your saying “it sucked”?

  2. Arif says:

    Vato i disagree with you completely.
    Firstly it didn’t suck “big time” i thought is was an ok movie, nothing to rave about yes, but nonetheless a good movie.
    Secondly you can argue that they relied too heavily on CGI but in todays film industry if you are making a movie of this scale and of this genre in the locations that was in the movie you cannot help but rely on CGI; also if they had used the same grade of effects that they had done in the original trilogy the movie would’ve felt dated.
    However I do see where you are coming from. The story line was not as good as the original trilogy but it was still ok.
    BTW dad if you sell our Indiana Jones DVD’s so help you God because not only will you have endure Amna and my wrath but also mum’s and Hanan’s.
    P.S. you ruined one of the things in the movie by saying about Indie’s son.

  3. mahmood says:

    Och laddie, I suppose I shall acquiesce to your request and allow you to keep the old DVDs. I’ll have to buy another set just to burn them and get that out of my system!

    I know that they did need to go the CGI route, there is no way any movie of this size could be done without it, for sure, but depending on it completely to the point of that ridiculous ending “just to see what we can do” is over the top.

    I understand your point about the spoiler and shall add that as a note at the top of my post. Thanks for pointing it out.

  4. Naz says:

    apparently it got a standing ovation at cannes

  5. Romster says:

    I watched the so-called movie last night. On a scale from 1 to 10…..the movie does not even touch the scale. I have seen better film on teeth. It was a mix of Indian action and Lebanese politics (thus the name INDIAN Jones). Bad plot, bad computer graphics, bad story line…..etc.. Not to spoil the “plot” for y’all, but Indiana should not go after space ships.
    If you wanna spend 2 1/2 hours and burn 3 B.D. go get a hair cut and a coffee from Dammam.

  6. AZ says:

    The movie just opened today round these parts, so i might see it this weekend (either that or the new Narnia movie), i’m not expecting much since i heard they’re trying to make Shia LeBouf the focal point of this movie over Indy so they’d give him their own series.

    BTW Mahmood, they tried to get Sean Connery for an appearance, but he’s been disinterested in acting ever since the awful League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

  7. ammaro says:

    i have to disagree with you there, i think the movie was actually a lot of silly, sarcastic fun. it was never meant to have a deep story, and indy always had that ridiculous ironic sort of humor, which showed in this movie too. its not supposed to be taken too seriously, chill out, watch it, jump at the thrills, and have a good ol’ laugh at it. and to (SPOILER HERE) finish off the whole thing with aliens! oh god, thats just really, really pushing it, funnywise. its not supposed to get any oscars for storyline, and i dont think lucas had that in mind when he wrote it anyway, its just supposed to be a movie to watch and come out with a smile on your face after. and for the producers, the fact that you actually paid for a ticket to see it is enough for them!

  8. KoOKiE says:

    I agree with you mahmood.

    It sucked big time for god sake please some one tell steven that indiana was an adventurous character not a sci-fic :S.

  9. Geordie says:

    I actually slept after the break in the middle, apparently i didnt miss much according to my friends, it was one of the lousiest movie’s ive ever seen, they’ve truly tarnished the name of indiana jones!

  10. Geordie says:

    actually make it one of the worst movies i’ve half seen!

  11. Anonny says:

    For Glub’s sake people all of the films were daft. Xenophobic boys-own cacka. This one is no worse, and at least it has some amusing irony for those who got the clues. The only good bit in the whole franchise is when he takes out his gun and shoots the dramatically-dressed swordsman in the first film. Oh, and the bit in #2 when the bad guy (Everybody in the Raiders films who isn’t white is a bad guy) says “Diced monkey-brains!” in that funny caricature accent.

    And at least there are real mysterious crystal skulls upon which to base a fantasy plot for this installment. Remember #1? Ark of the Covenant my arse!

    You want good films that don’t insult your intelligence? Iranian cinema does it for me every time. I’ve been watching a few recently and they are so beautiful and powerful. No CGI that I’ve seen. Just the magic of film brought back to life by artists under duress. Go watch!

  12. mahmood says:

    That’s very true actually Annony, I loved Marmoulak and also appreciated the documentaries by the Makhmalbaf sisters.

    I recently bought a bunch of Iranian films on DVD and enjoyed them thoroughly. I highly encourage everyone to go watch one.

    You might also want to bookmark the Bahrain Cinema Club website or subscribe to it’s calendar or RSS feeds, they regularly show very good films. They meet every Wednesday night, costs you just BD0.500 to get in at 8pm, and the movie shown will almost always be better than the latest Indiana Jones crap!

  13. Lee Ann says:

    I could say exactly all the same things about Ironman…I just didnt see all the hype that movie generated…and still generating. I guess “beauty” is in the eye of the beholder….hmmm?

    Thanks for the headsup on Indiana Mahmood…my Bd3 is rather precious to me with all the skyhigh prices of everything…I feel so much better when I come out of the cinema happy that I spent it rather than miserable that I wasted it…lol.

  14. Khalifa says:

    I thought it sucked too. I’m such a hard-core indiana jones fan and I just *sighed* at the end.

    My views can be seen here http://blog.iloveqatar.net

  15. nzm says:

    Ah c’mon, Mahmood, you’re being a bit harsh! 😉

    Remember it was set in 1957, so it’s filmed like a “Boys’ Own” adventure romp.

    The fear of snakes is a longtime phobia of Indie’s – introduced in one of the previous movies.

    Sean Connery has officially retired from acting and will not be back for any movies, hence the nostalgic, reminiscing scene where we were told that he had died so we weren’t left wondering what happened to him.

    I enjoyed it for what it was – escapism and jolly good romp. I also liked the little glimpse that we got of the Ark of the Covenant in one of the damaged boxes in the warehouse – that was a nice touch!

    It is what it is!

  16. JohnsterJohnster says:

    The script was totally lame

    19 years

    and we still got a crap script

    Wwwwwhhhhhhhhuyyyyyyyyyy????????

  17. Ebrahim says:

    There are unbleivable seens which make me wonder how Steven Spelberg agreed on them. The most of them is how someone can survive an atomic bomb by placing himself in a frigde????

  18. Naz: “apparently it got a standing ovation at cannes

    Are you sure that wasn’t the stampede for the exits?

    The wifey and I just saw it this afternoon; pretty weak plot, lots of thrills.

    Must suspend disbelief on following matters:
    1. World’s greatest bounty hunters/human trackers can’t shoot at a target moving in a straight line and a predictable rate of speed. Isn’t that how indian films became the height of world culture?
    2. Hot Rod on a lonely desert highway seeking teenage thrills. No, I have not seen that in another George Lucas film.
    3. Speeding through a forest broadside your adversary, fighting with saber-like weaponry and eventually enlisting the help of little furry creatures. No, I can’t remember seeing that in another George Lucas film.
    4. Watch out for falling rocks. Never mind, the force is with you.
    5. The force has a face now; with an odd shaped cranium. It looks like Admiral Ackbar.
    6. The force renders you speechless. Maybe it finds the lack of faith, disturbing.
    7. Guidance will come from the Force, through an old, frail incoherent… wait a minute…
    8. At least Lando didn’t Triple Cross you….
    9. Gunpowder, gold and quartz are now magnetic. But nails on a wooden crate are not. Neither are guns, bullets or G.I. trucks and jeeps.
    10. Survive three waterfalls like it was a backyard waterslide. After watching “The Phantom Menace” and the two jip-jobs to follow, I had my own living room er-“water” slide.
    11. Large bombastic explosion survived in a flying tin can. It’s not like dusting crops…
    12. Harrison Ford spends an entire franchise bickering with the female lead and the sign-off is their wedding. No, I absolutely have NEVER seen that in any other GEORGE LUCAS film.

    Georgie REALLY should have quit while he was ahead….

  19. Finally got round to seeing it. Was a big fan once upon a time. Hung out with the cast when they shot Temple of Doom in Jordan and had blast! Was also fun finding out that Harrison Ford is afraid of sharks in the Red Sea – he kind of freaked water skiing at sundown. Also met my back then crush, Sean Connery. But oh dear, oh dear!! Crysal Skull is very disappointing. Yes, it is what it is, but when I walked out of the cinema I thought – well that was a damper – I was so looking forward to it while in the making. Uuseless, should’ve just got the JD1 DVD!! I do hope this is the end though!! Surely no more resurrections 🙄

  20. Oops, typo: Last Crusade shot some scenes in Jordan. Temple of Doom is my favorite!

Back to Top