I’m not a football guy, normally. The closest thing to a sport that I enjoy is one that involves big engine noises and things that go around a circuit, if Schumi is in one of those, then so much the better. The other kind of sport I enjoy occasionally is of the horizontal variety, but even that takes a back seat when the FIFA World Cup is on, it’s the one time every four years that even the F1 is unimportant! And it’s only a couple of days away..
In anticipation of that great day, that only comes about once every 4 years, here are some rules for you ladies (and woossies who “don’t like” football – no, it’s not soccer, it is FOOTBALL, you know, the kind that you play WITHOUT having to pad the hell out of yourself and behave like a giant woose on grass, it is football, what those padded woosies play is, well, woosy rugby!)
Anyway, ladies please observe these rules and you will have done your relationships an enormous favour:
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8.The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game and his television and sound system is better than mine, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League,
etc etc.Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World
Well, I just paid BD 103 to get the World Cup package on ART this morning (bastards!) and am waiting for Friday to roll over… 1 whole month of just MAN talk, and NO sensitivity allowed. Let’s get back to the cave guys (and I have a 42-inch plasma and a humungous sound system terminated in Bose speakers and a large fridge… maybe I should prepare the next bloggers meeting at my house!)
(just in case the wife reads this, sorry darling, I didn’t really mean it and I won’t invite anyone over, honest!)
hat tip 2:48AM
Comments
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I don’t wanna miss KSA matches,it’s so funny when they have very high expectations and lose 10-0 =D
can’t wait
Sounds like you’re well prepared man, 42 inch and surround system, my kind of thing.
Funny thing is how freakin expensive this ART thing is. Here in the UK its free, that’s the way it should be. Mind you they know they’ll make the easiest millions they’ve made in seconds.
I can’t wait for it to kick off, it’s goin to be total addiction. Women will definately have problems getting men off the tv set.
Hopes are very high here, they think they can win it. I’d have to admit, England has a really good side, but if Brazil are on top of their game, this should be their 6th title. I personally hope the tangos do really good and bring back the glory days to wearers of the blue and white shirt.
Enjoy all :).
Ladies
Don’t we love a challenge? Get out your Janet Reger’s …
there are ladies who like football and the husbands know how lucky they are
I’m gonna support Argentina, Poland and the Czech Republic I think. Definitely not Germany since I saw the replay of the 1954 final against my country’s team…
England all the way!
Even though I generally don’t like to watch football, the world cup is a must. Fingers crossed for England, this is our year!
Shroof
As much as I love football, my sympathies lie entirely with the wife. Sorry Mahmood!! 🙂
(Loved the qualifications in the fine print. Sounds like there has been some sound training.)
In any case, ENJOY!
Rumi
Hellooooo Mahmood sorry to have to tell you that out here in the real world there are an equal number of female football fanatics. It won’t be just the blokes hogging the TV and behaving like morons for the duration of the World Cup.
There are about half a dozen different codes of football. One of them is soccer. In this country soccer is the one with the least following. We love our rugbyand they don’t wear any padding and are definitely not wusses.
Louisa
Just for you info… woman enjoy footbal… we just don’t worship it 🙂
You paid £147.75 to watch this footy? Wow! We’re spoilt here in the UK, I guess. Things are even worse inALGERIA, to judge by this blogger’s complaints, though.
We get all the games FTA admittedly most are in the early hours of the morning for us here – the exception being the much anticipated Oz v Jap game.
I have to be true to my heart and say that Oz will win. My head says Italy.
Oh and my wife will be watching all the games. She’s a bigger fan than I am.
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mahmood if you have an mtc number they have a package where you can get the world cup for something in the region of 40bd you should ask i think you should get a refund!
huh? ok, thanks for that, lemme check with them on Saturday… but that package might be for the pre-paid packages, rather than business post-paid, but I might be wrong (at least I hope that I am!)
I’m sorry Mahmood, but you are dead wrong about American football. I have played rugby and American football and I wouldn’t say one is much tougher then the other. People started wearing padding because there were too many deaths.
mike, that was tongue-in-cheek!
If the US manages to win it all even our friends will hate us. For the life of me I cant figure out how we are ranked as high as we are. Brazil or Germany wins it all.
My mistake.
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la la la laaa la laa la laaaaaaa!
i like guys