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Brainfart Gallery in Today’s Press

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From the GDN this morning, we get this humdinger:

“The problem is bigger than that and areas, which have new luxurious villas and high apartment buildings, are in the same situation,” he said.

“Opaque windows are the only solution to ensure that the invasion of privacy ends and at the same time removes any suspicion from husbands’ or fathers’ minds that their wives and daughters are being watched.

“People at the moment can’t feel free within their own homes, which has forced many to force their wives and daughters to cover up.

“If people can’t feel free within their homes, where can they?

I wonder what the illustrious council will do if a person who lives in an apartment complains (god forbid) that his villa-dwelling neighbour is have a perv at his wifes or daughters. Maybe they’ll pass orders to put the villa in an opaque bubble?

From this morning’s Al-Waqt, we get this one – wait for it, probably the only success which could be claimed by our indefatigable parliament:

علمت ”الوقت” أن وزارة الدفاع بصدد إصدار تعميم تسمح بموجبه للعسكريين بإطلاق اللحى حسب مواصفات معينة. وقالت المصادر إن القرار المتوقع صدوره غدا (الأحد) سينص على السماح لمنتسبي الوزارة في الوحدات العسكرية بإطالة لحاهم شريطة ألا تتعدى أطوالاً معينة سيحددها التعميم، كما سيسمح بإطالة اللحية على شكل ”سكسوكة”. وأوضحت أنه من ضمن الشروط التي سيتضمنها التعميم، إطالة اللحية بما لا يتجاوز قبضة اليد، فيما سيمنع إطالتها بشكل مطلق. وكان عدد من العسكريين، قد سبق لهم أن طلبوا تسريحهم من الخدمة بسبب رغبتهم في إطالة لحاهم، وهو أمر تمنعه اللوائح والقوانين العسكرية.

The military will soon allow its cadres to grow their beards, but all within specific criteria which must be adhered to:

  • Saksooka” (goatees) are okay
  • Beards are not allowed to be longer than a clenched fist
  • Unlimited length beards are not allowed

This is reportedly going to be published tomorrow. The reason for this you might ask? To limit the number of people who resign the services due to them not being allowed to grow their beards.

Hey! Here’s a suggestion. Let those who object to shaving their beards go, there are tens of thousands who don’t and are more than ready and willing to apply for those jobs regardless of beard-status. The military can start by recruiting out-of-work young gentlemen from Duraz and Bani Jamra! Solved, no?

Here’s another one; in an indication of even more pending destruction of our marine environment by building yet another mega-development, someone is advertising in today’s Guardian Jobs for a position of a Senior Environmentalist, a job which promises to pay between UKP30k – 40k. The description goes like this:

Senior opportunity for experienced environmental professional to lead and develop a small team based in Bahrain. Environmental opportunities are in abundance within the Gulf region, which includes both Bahrain and the UAE, and focuses on very large multi-disciplined Infrastructure Development and Marine Dredging and Reclamation projects.

The role would be suited to an enthusiastic and forward thinking individual with relevant qualifications and experience. Previous experience in staff and project management, gained within an environmental consulting setting would be highly beneficial.

I have a suggestion for whoever is advertising there to call Khawla Al-Muhannadi or any of the Malkiya Rovers who have been working on protecting our marine environment much before it became fashionable to do so. That’ll save the advertiser some money and will also get immediate results not just because both entities are intimately familiar with our environment, but they have a vested interest in it too. They’re Bahraini.

Finally, I can tell you what the BIC will look like from a driver’s point of view next year: It’s gonna have a bunch of trees close to the track to help Hami not lose his backside:

Hamilton explained that the track was extremely dusty throughout both sessions. “I just lost the rear end and ended up in the wall,” he said. “It was one of those things.That’s what happens when you are trying to find the limits.” He added: “I guess it’s one of those circuits where you don’t feel like you’re particularly going anywhere because you don’t have trees flying past you. All you have is perhaps a couple of markers, braking boards, a couple of bridges, but apart from that there’s nothing really giving you a great indication of just how quick you’re going or where you need to be braking.”

The BIC seems to realise this and owned up to this grievous mistake; in fact, in anticipation of a comment like this, the circuit has signed an agreement with the UNEP to be more “environmentally friendly” a few days ago.

This doesn’t detract from the fact that the twit totaled a perfectly good car by having his brain thinking about trees rather than what he was doing at that time, does it? Well, maybe for his next job he can apply for the Senior Environmentalist position in Bahrain!

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Valentines’ gone horribly wrong

Look, I understand that although some need it, not everyone can afford to buy Viagra, but lust is an untameable beast and some people will go to any length for the mere promise of their own personal nirvana. Sometimes that quest can prove painful, embarrassing, stupid and more often than not all of those facets combine in the little brains (yes both of them) of unfortunate bastards.

Like this one:

nail in penis

Yes, what you are seeing in the picture above, my friends, is a nail inserted into the urethra. It had been lodged there for three days and the chap was suffering abominably, but, he wouldn’t get it seen to for a plethora of reasons, each more banal than the next. The explanations he proffered to the treating doctor was even worse! As a way of explanation, the guy “had no idea” how a nail got up his penis! “he claimed [it] was inserted there without his knowledge by a gang of Bahrainis who attacked and robbed him“!

Okay, I have no problem whatsoever with what people do to get their rocks off, as long as they don’t hurt others in the process, but offering such an asinine excuse as “not knowing” and what’s even worse, suggesting that “a gang of Bahrainis who attacked and robbed him” is a bit much. Has that now become a ready excuse? Yes I know that some Bahrainis prey on foreigners, but I think this is not an everyday occurrence. At least I hope not.

Never mind, I’ll put this down to the guy being so staggeringly embarrassed by his own private “experiment” that this dipstick just can get his brains rapped around reality.

Poor guy, I guess his Valentines’ is completely ruined. At least because of the valiant efforts of the doctors he will now live to – hopefully – enjoy forthcoming ones!

Happy Valentines’ boys and girls, and for goodness’ sake don’t do anything this stupid!

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Scam alert?

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I received a really weird call last night from someone claiming to be Dr. Mohammed Abdulaziz Al-Tuwaijri from Riyadh; however, the number displayed on the screen didn’t have anything to do with Riyadh. The sound quality also suggested that it is routed through a very noisy Internet connection. I could be wrong of course, but I don’t think so. Bear with me.

The so called Dr. Al-Tuwaijri tried as much as possible to lay the blame on the “bad lines” and tried to get from me other telephone numbers where he might reach me. I didn’t volunteer any but asked for his number is Riyadh to call him back. He didn’t offer a number. The line disconnected several times but the guy was persistent. I answered the call (this was after 9pm when I do not answer unknown numbers) which again originated from +1202147408158304 (anyone know anything about this number construct?) and after some felicitations which I completely ignored and told him to get to the point, he told me that as Bahrain was selected as the cultural country in the GCC this year, they want to produce a one-hour cultural program about Bahrain which my company – Gulf Broadcast – has been selected to produce! I said brilliant! Give me more information. He dictated a US number to me (+1-408-623 5273) and told me to urgently call Dr. Ebrahim Shalabi who is on the way from California to Bahrain to discuss this matter immediately. I tried to call the number but all I got is voice mail. I left the message then went to bed and forgot all about it.

This morning while we were on location, I received another rather persistent call from another unknown number, this time from +120220719947087 from a person claiming to be a Dr. Ebrahim Shalabi. Again after the now trade-mark felicitations (with heavy Islamic blessings etc) and putting the blame on me for not answering my phone last night as he tried to call me several times, he goes on about how the US customs and security officers are so strict that they took his bags off him when he boarded a plane to Florida from California last night and that they had promised to hand him the bags on arrival at Florida airport. That they didn’t do, apparently, and he is so much in a bind as he now does not have his passport, papers, credit cards, money to board the plane etc. This was when more alarm bells started ringing.

I cut him short and told him that I am busy and that he’s got to get on with what he wants off me. He went silent for a second and explained to me that my company “Gulf Broadcast – GBPS – has been selected to produce the movie”, and that is contingent on his arrival in Bahrain. As he didn’t have his money with him, he has already contacted Noono Exchange in Bahrain and they agreed that whenever someone goes to them and gives them his full name, they will immediately release funds to him in Florida Airport!

Again, I cut him short and told him that I am busy and I do not want to be involved in this at all. If there was anything else I can help him with, I will certainly think about it. The line immediately went dead then and no further calls came through!

I’ve never had anything quite like this double-act. I am almost convinced that it is a scam and am wondering if anyone else (in or out of Bahrain) has come across this before?

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Ooops!

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Ooops!

Ooops!, originally uploaded by malyousif.

I couldn’t believe this scene when I saw it while driving to the office yesterday morning!

I circled back, stopped and had a chat with the guy (after taking the picture) who transpired to be the owner of the car and the perpetrator of the incident.

He said that he was trying to avoid an oncoming car, hit the brake and ended up in the ditch!

Looking at his tyres, it is no wonder that he did. He was on slicks with completely worn treads and it was raining – which in other words as this is in Bahrain, the road surface becomes a skating ring but with mud instead of ice.

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Televangelist besmirches Bahrain’s reputation in Kuwait

unwelcome televangelist Wagdy Ghoneim

استغرب التجمع الإسلامي السلفي من التصريح المنسوب إلى الدكتور وجدي غنيم، والمنشور في الصحف يوم الجمعة الماضي «والذي لم يكن تصريحا يعتذر فيه عن اساءته الفاحشة في حق الكويت وأميرها وشعبها كما هو المفترض، بل جاء ليؤكد فيه ما قاله سابقا في حق الكويت وأميرها وشعبها، فبدلا من ان يثني على أميرنا الراحل الشيخ جابر الأحمد طيب الله ثراه، ويذكر حسناته وإنجازاته الخيرية العظيمة ويعتذر عما نسب إليه نجده يطالبنا بعدم اشاعة ما قاله هو في حق أميرنا الراحل، من باب الكف عن ذكر مساوئ الموتى، وكأنه بذلك يصر مستكبراً على صحة ما قاله وانه لم يكن مخطئا».
وأضاف التجمع في بيان صحافي «وبدلا من ان يعتذر (غنيم) للشعب الكويتي حينما وصفه بشعب يطالب باللواط وان الله أراد أن يرينا في الكويتيين آية، كما جاء في شريط محاضرته، نجده يبرر ذلك بكونه استنكر فضائح شارع الهرم في القاهرة وكأنه ما زال مصرا على وصفه الشعب الكويتي بهذه الأوصاف التي أطلقها هكذا عامة في حق جميع الشعب».

By inference that is. By the fact that – as far I know – he still resides on these welcoming islands even after the cancellation of his television program.

For all I know, he probably already received the precious Bahraini passport; thus, making him a full Bahraini and now speaks in our stead and his words counted as that representing Bahrainis.

I dearly hope that he didn’t receive that particular honour and hope that after the grievous allegations against our Kuwaiti brothers and their ruling family he and his like will be shown the door off of these islands for ever. That experience, one hopes, will give them a clear message that their poisonous vitriol is not welcome here, nor will it be tolerated. We Gulfites enjoy a one family spirit and what affects anyone from Oman through to Kuwait affects us all.

I hope that our Kuwaiti friends and family understand that we do not condone his remarks, in fact we fully and unequivocally condemn them and demand that our government ends its welcome to what clearly has crystallized into a liability beyond a shadow of a doubt. It is high time for him and those like him who take advantage of our hospitality to go.

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Ridiculous notions

This country needs “a Gibbs”

This country needs “a Gibbs”. An act watchers of NCIS will be really familiar with. For others less fortunate, the act is best described as a swift whack on the back of a head the sharpness of which will bring that mind back to reason. Hopefully. But I fear in some cases it might require a shovel to effect the needed movement of neurons in solidified grey matter.

The shovel method is most certainly required to a head that belongs to a so called “educator” who mysteriously deduced that a young adult giving what is essentially monopoly money bought on a trip to Iran to friends at school as high treason in the form of “distributing counterfeit currency with the intent to shake the country’s economy.” A charge communicated to the Misery of Education which found it fit to escalate the matter to the Public Prosecutor who in turn – with a complete straight face and some might even think with collusion – imprisoned the girl for a few days “while investigating the matter” only to come out eventually with all charges dropped, most probably due to the ridicule heaped upon them by the press.

Although blame should most definitely be levied at the moronic principal who at best does not have any sense of humour, and at worst is riddled with dark and heinous sectarian intentions – a charge that school has been particularly riddled with and one might be excused to thing that this incident would not have received such attention had the Monopoly dosh come from the Emirates or Saudi or even Afghanistan – to be shared with full contempt for the Misery of Education as both have certainly put new meaning to educating our youth by terrorising them with the ever-present police ogre who are only too willing to acquiesce to their frivolity.

However, the blame in this case, as is in others, must squarely lay at the Public Prosecutor’s office who inexplicably dish out imprisonments “for investigations” as a matter of course and seem to emphatically dish that incarceration sentence out not to prevent people from fleeing or interfering with their “investigations”, but rather as a first phase of punishment in their heretofore unproven guilt; thus, over stepping their role from being an investigative service to that of jurists and executioners too.

both have certainly put new meaning to educating our youth by terrorising them with the ever-present police ogre who are only too willing to acquiesce to their frivolity

Is this the education reform spearheaded by our Crown Prince I wonder? Apart from building higher walls surmounted by iron-work spikes to prevent people from getting into schools now has terrorising students out of their wits by imprisoning young impressionable minds for a frivolous and a completely legal activity of giving gifts clearly marked as “having no commercial value” and clearly – even to the blind of sight but definitely not those with that affliction affecting their souls – nothing more than Monopoly money? What kind of impression do those champions of education; in this particular case the headmistress and her cohorts at the Misery of Education, leave with the young girl other than hating education and most probably detesting the establishment too? Or was it a concerted effort to reach such a zenith in the first place?

What a ridiculous situation this is. Utterly corrosive and criminal too.

That headmistress should be removed from her post forthwith, she has amply demonstrated that she does not have the presence of mind or the kindness of soul to be an educator nor a person who should be tasked with guiding impressionable youths into a more complex world. She is completely unfit for the job. The same must be done to her cohorts, the unthinking uncaring automatons at the Misery of Education for allowing such an issue to be escalated rather than holding their minion back from further grievous mistakes and utter public embarrassment.

His majesty might also want to ensure that an over-sight committee is put in place to look into infractions like these and provide redress for those who unnecessarily suffer by the misapplication of their power.

As to the Public Prosecutor, well, at the risk of getting pulled up by them again and unnecessarily imprisoned, I suggest that it is high time for their reform too. That shouldn’t be too difficult given the recent age of that organisation. The king might seriously consider giving them complete autonomy and independence to execute their jobs better after removing their current head who allowed his staff to use investigative imprisonment as yet another method of what could be conceived as state sponsored terror. His majesty might also want to ensure that an over-sight committee is put in place to look into infractions like these and provide redress for those who unnecessarily suffer by the misapplication of their power. At the very least, tell them, your majesty, that they should not dish out automagic incarcerations willy nilly like that but only if truly deserved when there is a genuine flight risk.

Failing that, let’s just declare Monopoly a tool of the devil and pay a readily bought cleric or two to haramize it.

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New MidEast Map Published, now includes Burma!

New Middle East Map includes Burma

Why? Come on, it MUST be part of the Middle East, who else is so out of touch with reality that they would spew this in front of the world and believe it?

The following comments were made by their foreign minister at the UN; Mr. U Nyan Win Al-Sahhaf:

“Recent events make clear that there are elements within and outside the country who wish to derail the ongoing process so that they can take advantage of the chaos that would follow,” he said. “They have become more and more emboldened and have stepped up their campaign to confront the government.”
[…] “The security personnel exercised utmost restraint, and they did not intervene for nearly a month,” the foreign minister said. “However, when the mob became unruly and provocative, they were compelled to declare a curfew. Subsequently, when protesters ignored their warnings, they had to take action to restore the situation. Normalcy has now returned to Myanmar.”
CNN – 2 Oct, ’07

All together now. Ready?

HAHAHHEHAHEHEHAHE EHAHHEHAHEHEHH AHHEHHAHE HEHHAHHA HAHEHHEEEEEE!

Thanks Mr. Win Al-Sahhaf. We believe you.

Regardless, this blog will show its support for the demands of the respect of human rights and democracy in Burma on Oct 4th with the rest of the world. I hope our joint voices will make a difference.

If you have a blog and would like to support the cause, please consider displaying the appropriate banner on your blog on Oct 4th.

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Ramadhan is not made for working, MP says

And he wants to ensure that those who do want to work during the Holy Month don’t get in the way. He will now issue a parliamentary wish backed by those guardians of Islam, the Muslim Brotherhood’s Al-Menbar political bloc, to restrict work hours during Ramadhan to four whole hours! – but only to Muslims. Non Muslims be damned and you should be grateful that you actually run our country for us throughout the year and in Ramadhan in particular. What do you have to complain about?

mohammedkhalidsatanwala.jpg

While you’re doing that, the effervescent MP tells us

people tend to stay up late at night to pray, work or shop for Eid Al Fitr and needed the shorter hours.

The guy is most definitely ultra-prepared, when he thinks that people are busy buying stuff for Eid, which is 26 days away! That’s foresight for you. As to people staying late, watch TV, smoke their lungs out and stuff their gobs, well, what’s so different from normal days is that?

“And I am not saying that that people who fast becomes lazy during Ramadan and all they do is sleep, but a lot of them stay up late.”

Yes, of course you’re not, thank you for the elucidation.

I’m going to file this under “efficiency, work ethics, Mohammed Khalid’s Islam and competitiveness.”

Couldn’t this guy get a job at the EDB? I’m sure he will increase their efficiency no end!

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