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Brainfart Gallery in Today’s Press

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From the GDN this morning, we get this humdinger:

“The problem is bigger than that and areas, which have new luxurious villas and high apartment buildings, are in the same situation,” he said.

“Opaque windows are the only solution to ensure that the invasion of privacy ends and at the same time removes any suspicion from husbands’ or fathers’ minds that their wives and daughters are being watched.

“People at the moment can’t feel free within their own homes, which has forced many to force their wives and daughters to cover up.

“If people can’t feel free within their homes, where can they?

I wonder what the illustrious council will do if a person who lives in an apartment complains (god forbid) that his villa-dwelling neighbour is have a perv at his wifes or daughters. Maybe they’ll pass orders to put the villa in an opaque bubble?

From this morning’s Al-Waqt, we get this one – wait for it, probably the only success which could be claimed by our indefatigable parliament:

علمت ”الوقت” أن وزارة الدفاع بصدد إصدار تعميم تسمح بموجبه للعسكريين بإطلاق اللحى حسب مواصفات معينة. وقالت المصادر إن القرار المتوقع صدوره غدا (الأحد) سينص على السماح لمنتسبي الوزارة في الوحدات العسكرية بإطالة لحاهم شريطة ألا تتعدى أطوالاً معينة سيحددها التعميم، كما سيسمح بإطالة اللحية على شكل ”سكسوكة”. وأوضحت أنه من ضمن الشروط التي سيتضمنها التعميم، إطالة اللحية بما لا يتجاوز قبضة اليد، فيما سيمنع إطالتها بشكل مطلق. وكان عدد من العسكريين، قد سبق لهم أن طلبوا تسريحهم من الخدمة بسبب رغبتهم في إطالة لحاهم، وهو أمر تمنعه اللوائح والقوانين العسكرية.

The military will soon allow its cadres to grow their beards, but all within specific criteria which must be adhered to:

  • Saksooka” (goatees) are okay
  • Beards are not allowed to be longer than a clenched fist
  • Unlimited length beards are not allowed

This is reportedly going to be published tomorrow. The reason for this you might ask? To limit the number of people who resign the services due to them not being allowed to grow their beards.

Hey! Here’s a suggestion. Let those who object to shaving their beards go, there are tens of thousands who don’t and are more than ready and willing to apply for those jobs regardless of beard-status. The military can start by recruiting out-of-work young gentlemen from Duraz and Bani Jamra! Solved, no?

Here’s another one; in an indication of even more pending destruction of our marine environment by building yet another mega-development, someone is advertising in today’s Guardian Jobs for a position of a Senior Environmentalist, a job which promises to pay between UKP30k – 40k. The description goes like this:

Senior opportunity for experienced environmental professional to lead and develop a small team based in Bahrain. Environmental opportunities are in abundance within the Gulf region, which includes both Bahrain and the UAE, and focuses on very large multi-disciplined Infrastructure Development and Marine Dredging and Reclamation projects.

The role would be suited to an enthusiastic and forward thinking individual with relevant qualifications and experience. Previous experience in staff and project management, gained within an environmental consulting setting would be highly beneficial.

I have a suggestion for whoever is advertising there to call Khawla Al-Muhannadi or any of the Malkiya Rovers who have been working on protecting our marine environment much before it became fashionable to do so. That’ll save the advertiser some money and will also get immediate results not just because both entities are intimately familiar with our environment, but they have a vested interest in it too. They’re Bahraini.

Finally, I can tell you what the BIC will look like from a driver’s point of view next year: It’s gonna have a bunch of trees close to the track to help Hami not lose his backside:

Hamilton explained that the track was extremely dusty throughout both sessions. “I just lost the rear end and ended up in the wall,” he said. “It was one of those things.That’s what happens when you are trying to find the limits.” He added: “I guess it’s one of those circuits where you don’t feel like you’re particularly going anywhere because you don’t have trees flying past you. All you have is perhaps a couple of markers, braking boards, a couple of bridges, but apart from that there’s nothing really giving you a great indication of just how quick you’re going or where you need to be braking.”

The BIC seems to realise this and owned up to this grievous mistake; in fact, in anticipation of a comment like this, the circuit has signed an agreement with the UNEP to be more “environmentally friendly” a few days ago.

This doesn’t detract from the fact that the twit totaled a perfectly good car by having his brain thinking about trees rather than what he was doing at that time, does it? Well, maybe for his next job he can apply for the Senior Environmentalist position in Bahrain!

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…and now, some light stuff

…and now, some light stuff

3 Minute Management Course training for 2008

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when the doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
She opens the door to Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
Wrapping herself in the towel, as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks:
“Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbor” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders (and Management team), in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. As she sat in the car, she could not help but reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” He removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak”. Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie pops out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”.
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world”. Puff! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life”. Puff! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up”, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch”.

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.


Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!


I just got this in an email from a friend, and as I love you all, I thought I would share with you… I hope at the very least it has put a smile on your face!

Have a wonderful day.

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Religious Police pepper-sprayed!

hehe!

Veiled woman pepper-spraying

Members of Khobar’s Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice were the victims of an attack by two Saudi females, Asharq Al-Awsat can reveal.

According to the head of the commission in Khobar, two girls pepper sprayed members of the commission after they had tried to offer them advice.

Head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in the Eastern province Dr. Mohamed bin Marshood al-Marshood, told Asharq Al Awsat that two of the Commission’s employees were verbally insulted and attacked by two inappropriately-dressed females, in the old market in Prince Bandar street, an area usually crowded with shoppers during the month of Ramadan.

According to Dr. Al-Marshood, the two commission members approached the girls in order to “politely” advise and guide them regarding their inappropriate clothing.

Consequently, the two girls started verbally abusing the commission members, which then lead to one of the girls pepper-spraying them in the face as the other girl filmed the incident on her mobile phone, while continuing to hurl insults at them.

The Eastern Province’s head of the commission also revealed that with the help of the police his two employees were able to control the situation.

The two females were then escorted to the police station where they apologized for the attack, were cautioned and then released.
Asharq Alawsat

This is outrageous! This is dispicable!

How can they run a story like this and not provide the video footage? It is extremely important! How else are we to witness for ourselves incontrovertibly if the religious policemen actually do have feelings! 😈

Now don’t go reading into this that this is a “revolution” and “things are changing in Arabia” even with that petition handed over to King Abdulla signed by a thousand people requesting that he allows women to drive.

Who cares about them driving? Just hand them more pepper-sprays and let’s video tape the result!

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The iPhone on Bahrain’s networks.. WORKS!

It took some thinkingMachines to crack the iPhone in Bahrain!
click image for the full set

We have pretty bright sparks who successfully cracked the iPhone to work on Bahrain’s networks, both of them! As you can plainly see, though MTC did not change their identity yet, they’re still on their old brand… maybe they should utilise the services of the thinkingMachines to crack that nut too! 😉

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bin Rajab’s redefines the role of maatems

bin rajab celebrates the healthy return of his majesty the king of Bahrain

I am so gratified that we have visionaries in this society and am doubly so when I find an honourable member of the reigning cabinet extends himself even further by bridging the cultural gap that maatems[1] traditionally play in society.

For instance, what is wrong with local maatems, like the ancient and quite famous Ma’atem bin Rajab, holding meetings to celebrate the healthy return of our beloved king? What is wrong with almost all the maatems in Muharraq putting up boards of welcome and well-deserved congratulations for our illustrious prime minister for receiving the honour of the UN Habitat Medal? Of course this is part of their mandate as they reflect the people’s views from the grass-roots up and their love of this country. It is – I understand – nothing to do with positional politics at all, but a clear and an unadulterated fiesta of gushing love to our beloved leadership.

I shall of course attempt to be present at this national festival of love and urge everyone to do their utmost to do so too.

I wish to congratulate the right honourable excellency Mr. Mansour Hassan bin Rajab for taking this very much needed initiative and pray God that that ancient area of Manama which embraces his family’s maatem not to suffer any electricity blackout during the celebrations and poetry recitals.

[1] Maatems: plural, religious halls of mourning frequented mainly by the Shi’a.

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Lip Explosion

Lip Explosion

Lip Explosion, originally uploaded by malyousif.

I took a visiting friend around to Seef Mall for some “authentic Bahraini cuisine” in the shape of the excellent Yum Yum Tree grill and we both enjoyed the feast!

Anyway, after stuffing ourselves, we walked about the centre a bit and he wanted to buy his wife something nice. We stopped at a perfume shop and what I saw at the checkout desk was amazing. I couldn’t believe what some people would do to themselves “just to look beautiful”. I asked the shop assistant about this product and she told me that this is a rather high moving item!

Doesn’t anybody bother to read the ingredients? When they say “explosion” they’re NOT kidding! I am sure a kid would be able to make such a powerful bomb out of this muck, so how can “thinking” people actually put this on a sensitive part of their body is beyond me.

I wonder if these products ever make it to the Ministry of Health before being made available for general sale.

Anyway, I hope whoever does put this muck on their lips waits a few days before lighting a cigarette, then I have no doubt that their whole face will explode!

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Camels DO NOT make good pets!

They’re born and bred for the desert, not people’s homes and most definitely NOT to be kept as pets. Apart from their natural stink, they apparently are very horny buggers!

Camels having sex

Pet camel kills Australian woman

A woman in Australia has been killed by her pet camel after the animal may have tried to have sex with her.

The woman was found dead at the family’s sheep and cattle ranch near the town of Mitchell in Queensland.

The woman had been given the camel as a 60th birthday present earlier this year because of her love of exotic pets.

The camel was just 10 months old but already weighed 152kg (336lbs) and had come close to suffocating the family’s pet goat on a number of occasions.

On Saturday, the woman apparently became the object of the male camel’s desire.

It knocked her to the ground, lay on top of her and displayed what the police delicately described as possible mating behaviour.

“I’d say it’s probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing,” the Associated Press news agency quoted Queensland police Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory as saying.

Young camels are not normally aggressive but can become more threatening if treated and raised as pets.
BBC News

May she now rest in peace. And put that horny camel down before it does somebody else in!

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The family’s back

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and how would I know this other than seeing them once in a while?

Batelco confirmed it in a lovely SMS to me at lunch!

Batelco SMS informing me that I shall return to the dark ages for two weeks until they reestablish my connection speed

Thus, our household is banished – thanks to Arif and Batelco – to the dark ages for another two weeks until the new billing cycle commences.

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