Learning to be a bit deaf…

Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s advice for success in marriage, the Supreme Court, and everything in between is based on two wisdoms she received from her in-laws. Here she is at Stanford Rathbun Lecture 2017 delivering those wisdoms:

Man do I need this advice, especially the first part.

I sometimes have ugly anger management issues that flare up for (what I subsequently realise) the most mundane and insignificant things. I always end up hating myself for those anger bursts which could have been negated had I just breathed, become a bit deaf and just simply walked away.

But no. I have to have the last word, and even if my intentions are good in that I want to inform, teach or impart wisdom, of course, all of that is flushed away because the delivery was in anger. And who would listen to advice shouted at them?

Ginsburg said: “Collegiality is crucial to the success of our mission,” Ginsburg said. “We could not do the job the Constitution assigns to us if we didn’t—to use one of Justice Scalia’s favorite expressions—‘get over it.’”


Goodness. I do need to get over it. Get over myself. And just get on with life.

I just turned 55 a few days ago, and rather than enjoying that moment of happiness, I chose to lose my temper on yet another insignificant situation which I wrongly determined then as a slight on my character.

Now, a week later, and listening to Ginsberg’s address, I am yet again disgusted with myself.

Yes, I know I was right. However, rather than retaliating with anger, I would have served the issue better by just turning momentarily deaf, walking away, and then much later, trying to convey my point of view calmly. That, I feel now, would have delivered even a life lesson much better than shouting and stomping off in a temper.

Never again.

Does anyone have an experience with a good therapist I can borrow for a few weeks?