If these guys had half a brain cell between them they would be even more dangerous than they actually are. Have a look at these snippets, you might want to read it in full in today’s GDN for a bellyful of laughter!
The story is that a restaurant’s female employees claimed to have been locked up and used as sex slaves for quite a while, then yesterday they simply disappeared and dropped their case against their erstwhile employers. The employers in turn – to defend their honour – held a press conference yesterday to “clear things up”, here’s what the manager had to say:
â€œWe were treating the three women very well and tried to keep them happy at all times,â€ said Mr Kumar, who is also Indian.
â€œAll their allegations are completely baseless and we strongly believe that they staged the whole drama to be given â€˜freedomâ€™.
Ok.. notice how the word freedom is put between quote marks. That’s like saying “pah! freedom, hah!” flippantly. The guy obviously doesn’t believe in it.
â€œThe women started building personal relationships with our male customers, which if we did not put a stop to would ruin our business.â€
Come again? How the hell does that compute? Wouldn’t a happy employee be more productive? Isn’t creating relationships a right rather than a privilege? Who put this dickhead as a moral guardian on these women? But there’s more…
Mr Kumar said the women were locked in their flat and allowed out only under supervision to keep them safe and out of trouble.
Ah, I understand now. Saving them from themselves, the poor children. Children? How old are these ladies anyway?
Sai Chandrababu, 24, Biji Chacko, 25, and Jalaja Nair, 35
Quite right, they’re not old enough to know any better.
He said new recruits being brought in to replace them would live under the same rule.
And he’s quite sure that the Ministry of Labour are going to issue them new licenses to recruit more slaves? I sure hope not. But then… it’s the Misery of Labour, so what could be any different. The gourmet restauranteur will surely get his visas. Tourism you know.
But the guy is quite humane actually, full of good tidings and cares deeply about his employees:
â€œThey are allowed to go out shopping or for simply leisure, but only if they are escorted by our female supervisor, who stays with them,â€ said Mr Kumar.
â€œOnly she is allowed to keep the key to their apartment and the three women could not leave unless accompanied.
Of course.. saving them from themselves again.
â€œWe were doing this to prevent the women going out with our customers, because if they were caught somewhere in a compromising or morally unacceptable situation, the authorities would come searching for me first, as I am responsible for them.
Ah, now we get it. That’s called “preventative maintenance”, or covering his ass.
â€œWe would not term it â€˜locking upâ€™, but simply security or precaution and the supervisor will be the only one with the key.â€
Here’s your definition of the day. It’s NOT called “locking up” you stupid doofuses!
â€œThe women were always given the best food and they wouldnâ€™t eat unless they were served meat,â€ he said.
Get yourselves OFF the floor, quit your laughing and pay attention dammit! HE SERVES THEM GOOD MEAT! What else does he have to to? Provide them with bloody hot showers in winter? What the hell have YOU been smoking? Remember the guy is quite humane.
Ok, I’ve had it now, I need to know who is to blame really for all of this, and I need to know it now, because Mr. Kumar of course cannot be blamed for anything. He is a responsible human being, and excellent manager who Bill Gates continuously consults with on how to run Microsoft, and it was Mr. Kumar who convinced Warren Buffet to donate most of his fortune for the Gates Foundation. Without Mr. Kumar, the whole world will collapse. Fortunately for us, he also consults with our parliamentary chairman Mr. Al-Dhahrani who heeds his advice to the letter. Mr. Gates is stupid for firing Mr. Kumar and not believing in him. See what has befallen him? He will definitely be fired by June 2008 – purportedly just to take care of the charity organisation he fronts with his wife… but that is just a face saving thing.
Anyway, who is to blame?
Mr Kumar said the women made the allegations out of spite, after being put up to it by their customers.
AH! I knew it! The very people who keep Mr. Kumar in business are to blame! Brilliant, brilliant! But why?
â€œWe know for sure that it is our customers who provoked them to protest, so that they could take them out and also they were annoyed at me for not letting them do so,â€ he said.
Sex. What can I say. Has driven them mad! And they are rightly angry at the defender of honour for not letting them get some. There must be more to it though… isn’t there?
â€œMany customers were also not happy with us because we wouldnâ€™t let them drink liquor unless they also ate from our restaurant.â€
Is there not end to Mr. Kumar’s righteousness? He does NOT allow anyone to drink alcohol “unless they also ate from our restaurant” Quite right too. For any licensed restaurant. What’s the betting that they’re not licensed to serve alcohol?
Okay, it’s over now.. the women have left and they must have been taken to the airport in police vans, they are criminals aren’t they? Perjury and all that good stuff?
Mr Kumar said that on the night the women left, the airport was crowded with admirers who went to see them off and were showering them money and gifts.
â€œI even saw a man giving one of the women a gold ring,â€ he said.
Admirers? What? Film stars-like admirers? Crowds? No way.. Mr. Kumar you should have demanded and apology from these twits.
â€œBefore leaving, the women even apologised to us for causing so much trouble, but now the damage is done.
But where is the restaurant owner then in all of this? Does he have nothing to say?
Mr Hassan said he would be taking legal action against the women.
â€œWe will be filing a case against the women for ruining our name and creating a bad reputation for our restaurant and we need compensation for this,â€ he said.
â€œTheir withdrawal of the case proves that they were guilty of accusing us for the wrong things and that they would never win the case.
â€œTwo of the women borrowed BD700 each from me for sending to her family and nothing has been repaid, so I have written it off as bad debt.â€
These people are all so nice. I wish I could get a job with them, in fact I think I should apply for a position immediately. Being taken care of morally, chaperoned, given money in loans which get written off, and fed MEAT! What else should I ever want in life? Nothing. After their treatment absolutely nothing..
I actually want to give the women a call right now to learn more about how excellent my future bosses Mr. Kumar whom I shall adore and build a shrine to in my house, Mr. Hassan who will write off my generous loans from him, and of course the excellent supervisor who is the only one who needs to have a key and who will always be around to unlock the door in case of a fire or any other disaster, Ms. Shakeela Bhanu.
I wonder if the poor things have any
sex slaves waitresses to help them out in this hour of need now?
Two of the women came to Bahrain to work at the restaurant eight months ago and one of them had been there for almost two years.
Ah that’s good. At least their maths skills are good. I’m not sure if the above is attributed to the reporter of this story or Mr. Kumar, but it fits very well into Mr. Kumar’s half brain-cell he didn’t fry so far.
So my friends, based on just this article and its demonstration of the superior intellect the management have been gifted by their creator, I wonder how long it would take our public prosecutor to come up with the real goods. Especially as Mr. Kumar and Co. have done an excellent job of implicating themselves so completely!
What utter morons.
And of course if the Misery of Labour actually issues them with more visas, then they would have demonstrated once again their superfluousity.