Tag Archives brainfarts

The USA is no longer a destination of choice

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On 21st March the TSA and Homeland Security are expected to announce their banning of electronic devices larger than a mobile phone on some flights to and from the USA. This ban will be in effect on certain airlines and countries. There appears to be ten airports from eight Muslim countries affected, including Saudi Arabia, UAE, Jordan and Egypt.

On first read, I feel that this is a funny joke of the day. Yet another brainfart of a failing administration.

The serious stuff; to me at least, is that the USA is no longer on my destinations of choice list. If at all I can avoid going there for business or pleasure, I shall do so. There are more destinations – welcoming destinations – all over the world that I will endeavour to visit and enjoy instead.

The US can stay for Trump, Inc. for all I care.

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To tattoo or not to tattoo

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Arabic-Tattoos-On-Rib-38Until today, I was ambivalent to against tattoos. I can tolerate them on other people’s skin as it’s their skin, not mine. It’s their personal freedom and nothing to do with me. But today… oh today… I am ALL FUCKING FOR TATTOOS AND WILL GET SOME ON MY SKIN. I’LL GET INKED. And to the right honourable parliamentarians who have nothing better to do than to ban things left and right without any regard to personal freedoms and choice, and as if the country doesn’t have enough problems for them to resolve – like the budget, political stasis, decrepit economy, dearth or education, really really bad health services, housing and the oodles of corruption both administrative and financial, I say do your worst. You ain’t getting me to NOT tattoo my body. Deal with it.

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The Typically Arab Politicians’ Way of Resolving Differences of Opinion

Gudaybia School of Booze, Witchcraft and Wizardry

The Bahraini Parliament doesn't like witchesParliament’s session was actually halted yesterday due to our illustrious MPs entering into a heated argument with the Minister of Justice. Normal in parliamentary circles one might expect, yes I know, but in which parliament in the world worth its salt actually waste an already shortened term with discussing laws criminalising sorcery and witchcraft?

None, I am sure.

The minister rightly suggested that these things – if present – should be treated as fraud and as that was already covered in legislation, then no other specific amendments to the Penal Code is actually necessary. But they wouldn’t listen. To them, other than almost labelling the good minister as a heretic, this subject is of the highest importance and should not be trifled with.

Shaikh Khalid asked MPs what would judges do to solidify the sorcery or witchcraft crimes.

“Do they bring in leprechauns (actually he said ‘jinn‘ but the GDN used its poetic license) or ask them to testify that their assistance was asked by a sorcerer or witch?” he said.

Angered by the comments, Mr Busandal said that such acts were against Islamic Shariat and that the minister was not taking the issue seriously.

“Such acts are serious Islamic violations, but the minister wants us to forget the law and throw it out,” he said.

Oh I don’t know.. I wouldn’t throw it out if I were them because I would never have brought such asinine, time wasting, ludicrous legislation to the floor, but that’s me. They, of course, fancy themselves as the true defenders of the faith; hence, these matters are of the utmost importance. I wonder if these morons actually put on specially designed blinkers every morning before leaving their houses along with their Rolex watches and Mont Blanc pens, because like the rest of Bahrain, I am still aghast at their one-track minds.

Some of them slander whole institutions without missing a beat, just to prove their absurd points. Take the effervescent Satanwala for instance, while they were approving yet another bill that would ban the sale and consumption of alcohol, this time in clubs and societies, he goes on:

MP Mohammed Khalid Mohammed said that not only expatriate clubs were serving and allowing alcohol, but also the Bahraini clubs.

“The biggest example is the Alumni Club, whose members are always seen drinking inside and gambling, as if they were in a casino,” said Mr Mohammed.

I’m not sure how a ‘respected Muslim gentleman’ knows what a casino looks like, other than he might have frequented them on other occasions in his life, but to him, an august institution which contributed greatly to the development of Bahraini society is a degenerate space of drink and debauchery.

Another in parliament who actually owns an establishment which some classified as a boozing den and a brothel and rented that establishment out before taking his seat in parliament, now slanders whole countries!

MP Adel Al Asoomi said that the Ethiopian Club in his constituency in Hoora was a big example of premises being used for immoral and indecent acts.

“They (club members) are renting a flat as a club premises, and they have a pool table inside, just as a cover for their prostitution activities,” he claimed.

“The surrounding area around the club looks like Addis Ababa (Ethiopia’s capital) during their functions and most of the time people who are not Ethiopians are seen going to the club.”

And being yet another defender of the faith (hah! hold your laughter!) of course he took it upon himself to “clean” his territory – sorry, constituency – from competition – ooops, sorry again, I mean “immoral and indecent acts” as he rode on the wave of (dishing out dosh while campaigning?) decency by going on a prostitute hunt which impressed the police themselves whom his posse outshone in the methods he chose to employ!

Well, this hilarity will unfortunately be suspended from next week for 5 months. Parliament is going on summer holidays. But who knows, maybe we will find some of our hard working MPs going on “discovery” and “fact finding” trips to some of the world’s casinos, bars and voodoo dens, not to partake of what would be on offer there, of course.

When is the next election again?

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New heights in segregation demanded

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Al-Wefaq doesn’t seem to be too busy these days, especially as its demand to question Attiyatallah has now passed to the Services Committee. So, it keep the ball rolling, they’ve tabled an urgent motion demanding segregation of care givers by their gender:

Same-sex doctors call
Bahraini MPs are demanding that doctors and nurses be allowed to treat only patients of the same sex, except in emergency cases.

Patients are complaining that male staff are examining female patients and vice-versa, Al Wefaq told parliament yesterday.

The bloc also wants bodies in the mortuary to be handled only by staff of the same sex as the deceased. Its unscheduled proposal was accepted as urgent and referred to the services committee, which will compile a report for discussion in the chamber.
GDN

Sorry, but which depraved nincompoop in his right mind is going to back this motion, which does nothing more than entrench further unneeded and in this case completely unwarranted segregation in an increasingly integrated world?

What does it matter, really, if the doctor treating a sick patient is of an opposite sex? Yes I can understand in some cases patient might be embarrassed discussing their delicate health issues with a doctor of the other gender, but surely this should be left to the patients themselves to decide on, rather than bring out yet another completely useless piece of legislation that we not only make us the laughing stock of the world, but much more importantly might waste lives, literally.

But parliament really doesn’t have anything better to do with their time… oh wait, yes they do. In the same paper they are telling us that ten of the right honourable upstanding members have insisted on the creation of an emergency panel to fight blasphemy. The motivation behind this of course are those Danish cartoons.

Ten MPs were named yesterday as members of an emergency parliamentary committee set up to combat the tarnishing of the Prophet Mohammed’s image.

The move is in reaction to the reprinting by the Danish media earlier this year of insulting cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed.

There was outcry throughout the Islamic world when the cartoons first appeared more than two years ago.

The committee will liaise with other parliaments and bodies at home and abroad to combat the negative portrayal of the Prophet Mohammed and Islam.

Can you believe this rubbish? After two years they want to resurrect this issue once again. Oh, hang on, the guys are on a time-delay anyway so now I understand. In addition to them having nothing on their hands, their minds are abuzz with ways to at least look busy, and what better way to show their constituents that they are doing something other than fighting for the honour of our dear beloved Prophet?

You know what? I’m gonna put a big order for Danish flags and go gift them to those MPs. I can tell you that they won’t decorate their houses with them, but add to the collective idiocy of these parliamentarians by providing news agencies with excellent footage of arsonist fools.

And then, we have Al-Wefaq throwing yet another temper tantrum, this time courtesy of Al-Mizal, who objects rather strenuously to giving government housing to Bahraini women married to foreigners. Because, well, here read it for yourselves:

ØŒ والمرأة البحرينية الأصلية لا تميل إلى الزواج من أجانب وإذا حصل فهو نادر جدا’
وأضاف المزعل ”هذا الاقــتراح، سيعطــي الفرصــة الذهبية للمجنسين في هذا البلد أن يزوجوا بناتهم الصغــار لأجانب من بلدانهم الأصلية ليأخذوا الخدمات الإسكانية، فيلتحق الرجال بنسائهم المجنسات وهكــذا المجنــس يجر مجنســا إلى أن يتحول البلد إلى بلد يعيــش فيــه البحرينــي غريبــا في وطنــه بينمــا يعيش الأجنبي فيه منعمــا مكرمــا كمواطــن من الدرجــة الأولى”ØŒ وفق ما قال

Al-Waqt
“The true Bahraini woman does not marry a foreigner, but if she does, it is a very rare event.”

What this supposed representative of the people, all the people, is saying is that his objection is based on the fact that “it [providing government subsidised housing services to Bahraini women married to foreigners] will give a golden opportunity to naturalised citizens of this country to marry their young daughters to foreigners so that they can get housing services, which results in their foreign husbands to Bahrain; therefore, we will get a situation where a naturalised citizen will bring in another person to naturalise until the (original) Bahraini finds himself a stranger in his own land, while the foreigner lives here in leisure and honour as if they are First Class Bahraini.”

Would anyone like to join me in banging our heads on the closest wall in response to these asinine and completely idiotic, moronic, simple-minded, prejudiced, petty, bigoted, blinkered, parochial MPs who are entrusted to look after our interests?

I’d better go for lunch before I burst even more blood vessels…

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Brainfart Gallery in Today’s Press

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From the GDN this morning, we get this humdinger:

“The problem is bigger than that and areas, which have new luxurious villas and high apartment buildings, are in the same situation,” he said.

“Opaque windows are the only solution to ensure that the invasion of privacy ends and at the same time removes any suspicion from husbands’ or fathers’ minds that their wives and daughters are being watched.

“People at the moment can’t feel free within their own homes, which has forced many to force their wives and daughters to cover up.

“If people can’t feel free within their homes, where can they?

I wonder what the illustrious council will do if a person who lives in an apartment complains (god forbid) that his villa-dwelling neighbour is have a perv at his wifes or daughters. Maybe they’ll pass orders to put the villa in an opaque bubble?

From this morning’s Al-Waqt, we get this one – wait for it, probably the only success which could be claimed by our indefatigable parliament:

علمت ”الوقت” أن وزارة الدفاع بصدد إصدار تعميم تسمح بموجبه للعسكريين بإطلاق اللحى حسب مواصفات معينة. وقالت المصادر إن القرار المتوقع صدوره غدا (الأحد) سينص على السماح لمنتسبي الوزارة في الوحدات العسكرية بإطالة لحاهم شريطة ألا تتعدى أطوالاً معينة سيحددها التعميم، كما سيسمح بإطالة اللحية على شكل ”سكسوكة”. وأوضحت أنه من ضمن الشروط التي سيتضمنها التعميم، إطالة اللحية بما لا يتجاوز قبضة اليد، فيما سيمنع إطالتها بشكل مطلق. وكان عدد من العسكريين، قد سبق لهم أن طلبوا تسريحهم من الخدمة بسبب رغبتهم في إطالة لحاهم، وهو أمر تمنعه اللوائح والقوانين العسكرية.

The military will soon allow its cadres to grow their beards, but all within specific criteria which must be adhered to:

  • Saksooka” (goatees) are okay
  • Beards are not allowed to be longer than a clenched fist
  • Unlimited length beards are not allowed

This is reportedly going to be published tomorrow. The reason for this you might ask? To limit the number of people who resign the services due to them not being allowed to grow their beards.

Hey! Here’s a suggestion. Let those who object to shaving their beards go, there are tens of thousands who don’t and are more than ready and willing to apply for those jobs regardless of beard-status. The military can start by recruiting out-of-work young gentlemen from Duraz and Bani Jamra! Solved, no?

Here’s another one; in an indication of even more pending destruction of our marine environment by building yet another mega-development, someone is advertising in today’s Guardian Jobs for a position of a Senior Environmentalist, a job which promises to pay between UKP30k – 40k. The description goes like this:

Senior opportunity for experienced environmental professional to lead and develop a small team based in Bahrain. Environmental opportunities are in abundance within the Gulf region, which includes both Bahrain and the UAE, and focuses on very large multi-disciplined Infrastructure Development and Marine Dredging and Reclamation projects.

The role would be suited to an enthusiastic and forward thinking individual with relevant qualifications and experience. Previous experience in staff and project management, gained within an environmental consulting setting would be highly beneficial.

I have a suggestion for whoever is advertising there to call Khawla Al-Muhannadi or any of the Malkiya Rovers who have been working on protecting our marine environment much before it became fashionable to do so. That’ll save the advertiser some money and will also get immediate results not just because both entities are intimately familiar with our environment, but they have a vested interest in it too. They’re Bahraini.

Finally, I can tell you what the BIC will look like from a driver’s point of view next year: It’s gonna have a bunch of trees close to the track to help Hami not lose his backside:

Hamilton explained that the track was extremely dusty throughout both sessions. “I just lost the rear end and ended up in the wall,” he said. “It was one of those things.That’s what happens when you are trying to find the limits.” He added: “I guess it’s one of those circuits where you don’t feel like you’re particularly going anywhere because you don’t have trees flying past you. All you have is perhaps a couple of markers, braking boards, a couple of bridges, but apart from that there’s nothing really giving you a great indication of just how quick you’re going or where you need to be braking.”

The BIC seems to realise this and owned up to this grievous mistake; in fact, in anticipation of a comment like this, the circuit has signed an agreement with the UNEP to be more “environmentally friendly” a few days ago.

This doesn’t detract from the fact that the twit totaled a perfectly good car by having his brain thinking about trees rather than what he was doing at that time, does it? Well, maybe for his next job he can apply for the Senior Environmentalist position in Bahrain!

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Popcorn ready… awaiting the 2nd session of parliament!

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His majesty the king will be inaugurating the second session of parliament in its second term this afternoon. No bets are being taken this time as to whether Al-Wefaq will be boycotting the proceedings. This time, one would be forgiven for thinking that the tail this time is firmly between legs and claws (if ever there were) were resolutely pulled.

Still, they (and I mean the 40 rather than only the 17) will provide us with much hilarity and not just a few chuckles for the next few months. If we are lucky, we might even witness another fisticuffs and a few black eyes, not to mention continuous brainfarts emanating from the likes of – well, the 40.

It was rather dull without them during the last 150 days which were their summer hols, let’s see if that period of rest was enough to rejuvenate their zeal for further curtailment of public and personal freedoms while continuing to pad their own individual nests…

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Ramadhan is not made for working, MP says

And he wants to ensure that those who do want to work during the Holy Month don’t get in the way. He will now issue a parliamentary wish backed by those guardians of Islam, the Muslim Brotherhood’s Al-Menbar political bloc, to restrict work hours during Ramadhan to four whole hours! – but only to Muslims. Non Muslims be damned and you should be grateful that you actually run our country for us throughout the year and in Ramadhan in particular. What do you have to complain about?

mohammedkhalidsatanwala.jpg

While you’re doing that, the effervescent MP tells us

people tend to stay up late at night to pray, work or shop for Eid Al Fitr and needed the shorter hours.

The guy is most definitely ultra-prepared, when he thinks that people are busy buying stuff for Eid, which is 26 days away! That’s foresight for you. As to people staying late, watch TV, smoke their lungs out and stuff their gobs, well, what’s so different from normal days is that?

“And I am not saying that that people who fast becomes lazy during Ramadan and all they do is sleep, but a lot of them stay up late.”

Yes, of course you’re not, thank you for the elucidation.

I’m going to file this under “efficiency, work ethics, Mohammed Khalid’s Islam and competitiveness.”

Couldn’t this guy get a job at the EDB? I’m sure he will increase their efficiency no end!

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Terrorism pays

Mohammed Khalid, that effervescent Islamist MP, wants to gift the five erstwhile Guantanamo detainees BD50,000 (~US$132k) as a “for the suffering and torture they were forced to endure in the US prison camp“.

Huh? Oy! Bub! Listen: when we defended their right to a fair trial we didn’t sign up to make them the luminaries of society. Those men chose to go into a war zone to do goodness’ knows what and they might have participated in terrorism and terrorist activities. These things we will never know now because a trial was not forthcoming and the chat they had with the public prosecutor on their arrival home was not published – as it should have as we have a right to know.

Now you just want to cut them a blank cheque from my money? No way smartypants. They do not deserve this magnanimous gesture of yours. If you want to give them money from your own pocket then that’s completely up to you, but don’t lumber the country with yet another bill just to polish your name in your own circles. This is just not on. And if Saudi chooses to give its own citizens money, a car and even pay for their wedding just because they were in Gitmo for a while, that’s completely up to them and it doesn’t concern us, but don’t you bloody well dare to pull that stunt here boyo.

If the parliament really adopts this brainfart it is as if they accept and even condone terrorism. It is tantamount to announcing to the world that terrorism pays! Wasn’t it you and your ilk who fully supported the Law Against Terrorism in parliament? Whatisitwijyouboy? Double standards is your way of life?

Listen, they made their own beds and now they should bloody well lie in them. They are now free and not thanks to your “efforts” but that of the BCHR primarily and their activist US lawyers. You jammed yourself right in the middle for your own political gains and most certainly not theirs.

So get off that high horse of yours and don’t go throwing money hither and thither, your job as an MP is to ensure that that does not happen not aid and abet it for God’s sake. Get a life will ya!

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Supercop Escapades, part 1

The benevolent Don Quixote

and we thought that parliamentary work, and being elected, is simple. Hah! No way José! Look at what is expected of you:

You get calls at all hours of the night, even when a concerned citizen spies a drunk public sector worker and expects you to take care of the situation, as you should. So into that brandspankynewlexis you get – with a Don Quixote refrain playing at the back of your mind and race – not stopping at those frivolous red lights, you’re an MP, a representative of the people now – to get to the scene of the crime and have a proper foot-stomping-fist-banging-lung-gutting fit and demand – as is your complete and full right – that the accused submit a blood sample for analysis to determine the quantity he has purportedly imbibed and thus, determine there and then, as a judge, jury and executioner that he be thrown out and as a head of a committee tasked with finding out the transgressions of that public sector, you can now allay any self-guilt and not suffer any insomnia for executing your job as best you could.

Bahraini MP and supercop Mohammed Yousif Yaqoob Al-Mozil - photo credit: Al-Waqt newspaper

Of course, there is that little thing in that book called the constitution which somehow talks about the separation of powers and that this sort of thing might be better done by the judicial authorities, but hey, you’re Don Quixote, not that stupid Sanchez! So it doesn’t apply to you.

Who looks at that book anyway, it’s only good for being used as a doorstop or propping up an unbalanced table or something like that

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